


who'd you rather be?

by CadetDru



Series: you can lean on me [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Canon Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Worms (The Magnus Archives), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27605024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CadetDru/pseuds/CadetDru
Summary: Martin woke to sunlight streaming into an unfamiliar room. For a dizzying moment, he had no idea where he was (Scotland) or why he was there (escape). He put one arm over his eyes.  When he rolled over, he jostled something (Jon, boyfriend, fellow runaway) that said "ow" in a very annoyed tone of voice that he would recognize anywhere.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Series: you can lean on me [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032606
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	who'd you rather be?

Martin woke to sunlight streaming into an unfamiliar room. For a dizzying moment, he had no idea where he was (Scotland) or why he was there (escape). He put one arm over his eyes.When he rolled over, he jostled something (Jon, boyfriend, fellow runaway) that said "ow" in a very annoyed tone of voice that he would recognize anywhere.

Martin felt everything flood back to him.Jon had pulled Martin out of the Lonely.Elias Bouchard was actually Jonah Magnus.London wasn't safe.No where was safe, except this little house in Scotland that they were technically squatting in.Jon loved Martin just as Martin loved Jon, and they were here together, waking up in bed together. 

Jon was awake and glaring at Martin for having bodily disrupted him."It's so weird to wake up without an alarm set," Martin said.

Jon moved around Martin's limbs to get comfortable again."That. That's the weird thing." Jon said.

"Sorry," Martin said, opening his eyes to look at Jon. "It's so weird to wake up to your boyfriend, the pendant, arguing over your personal sense of weirdness."

"I'm sorry, I was just joking, I didn't--" Jon said. He was spiralling in on himself.

"I am too." Martin tentatively squeezed Jon's shoulder. He let go to push himself up to a sitting position. "How were your nightmares?" It wasn't a joke. 

"Same as usual. Yours?" Jon said.

"Is it a nightmare if it's just a memory?" Martin said.

"Yes, I think so. What was the nightmare?" Jon said.

"You almost died, there were worms." Martin shrugged. "Same old, same old."

"More straightforward than I was expecting." Jon said. "That can't have been the worst of it."

"You actually got attacked by them! I just got a sneak peek of the Lonely experience."

"And you made sure I did as well," Jon said, with what Martin hoped was a fake frown. It looked disturbingly real. "We'd had a lovely heart-to-heart and then-- just because I was attacked by a flesh hive-- you kicked me away for a full month."

For one brief but horrifying moment, Martin's heart sank into his stomach. "You needed to recuperate," Martin said.

Jon looked particularly sulky for that time of the morning.They hadn't even made it out of the bed and he was already running the gamut of emotions available to him. "That's all well and good but I didn't know how I take my tea," he said.

Martin's heart started to beat again. "You're joking," he said.

Jon shook his head."How dare you be so useful and reliable without me realizing!"

Martin laughed. "What."

"You were trying to trick me into liking you!" Jon accused.It was a joke, just a light-hearted joke, this side of a confession.It didn't land like one. 

"...well. I'll make us some tea," Martin said. He was a little shaken as he got out of the bed.He felt cold as he moved around in the kitchen. He knew how Jon took his tea still.They might not have spent much time together (or ever) but Martin could remember things.

He didn't hear Jon following him into the kitchen, didn't even know that he was there until Jon spoke. "Are you alright?"

Just for the moment, Martin was willing to let it slide.He didn't know how to properly express what he was thinking, what he was fearing, without bursting into tears.Just for the morning, it seemed like it would be easier this way.

"I'll need some tea if we continue this train of thought," Martin said. He nodded to the table. Jon obligingly had a seat.Martin didn't look at Jon as he spoke, just focused on the kettle.

"There's no rush," Jon said, using what he thought was a soothing voice. "Take your time.I want to listen to you."

"I'm not giving a statement," Martin said bitterly. "I'm just...expressing myself."

"You don't owe me any kind of explanation," Jon said, as if that was what Martin has said.

"Do you know that feeling when someone dislikes you and you just can't stop yourself from trying to find a way to win them over?"

"I assume they're probably right," Jon said.He wasn't thinking of it from Martin's perspective. There was every chance that he thought Martin was talking about Jon.

"You just have to find the right words," Martin said. "If you're persistent and helpful, they have to stop hating you at some point."

"That doesn't sound... oh." Jon said. He'd finally put it together.

"I mean, not that I could put a coherent sentence together around you," Martin said."I could make you tea, though."

"I noticed," Jon said. "I still don't know how you do it."

"I was so precise about it, so...calculating. I wanted you to have something nice, and I wanted it to be from you. I figured out what time you needed a cuppa, how much, how sweet, milk or lemon... I read your moods and your general habits.I... I mean, that all sounds creepy, doesn't it?"

"It sounds lovely," Jon said.

"Easy to say that on this side of the Lonely," Martin said."After you came back from the worms, I realized I couldn't go on like that. "

He dared to look over at Jon, who was frowning.

"If you didn't like me, you weren't going to. I still wanted to be nice to you, still wanted to do my job, but it wasn't about trying to please you.I was just going to be better."

"You were better." Jon said.

"You never once were indifferent to me, you know?" Martin looked over to Jon. "The opposite of love isn't supposed to be hate, it's..."

"Indifference," Jon said, supplying the word that Martin had just given him.

Martin nodded. "You despised me at first sight. It's weird, if only by my own definition. It gave me hope, in my tiny little fluttering heart. Surely, I thought, there must be some way to crack past his exterior shell."

"So you were trying," Jon said.

"I had been trying. That was when I realized I had to stop. I mean, I didn't stop doing things for you, but it was different. After that, I was like a cat, bringing you little gifts that you didn't want that I thought you might need. A corkscrew and a CO2 canister and worm monstrosity ashes and..."

"All excellent courting gifts." Jon said.

"Thank you," Martin said, exasperated. He took the cup of tea over to Jon. "This is how you like it. I hope you were paying attention."

Jon stared into his mug. "I was not," he said. He didn't need to be, he would just Know what was in it.

Martin told him anyway. "Slightly over steeped, too much milk and too much sugar."Martin kissed Jon's forehead and sat down across from him. Their eyes met, eye contact maintained for a solid three seconds before both broke away.

"I didn't despise you," Jon said.

"Liar," Martin said.

"I didn't know what to do with you. Elias had arranged for you..." Jon said.

"Oh, god." Martin said.

"No, Martin, it's not..." Jon said.

"A lightning rod, a source of fear," Martin said. "He probably fed off me daily."

"Martin..." Jon said. "I was so relieved when I realized, even in my paranoia, that I could trust you, that everything you'd done, everything you were was actually genuine.You weren't trying to manipulate me to any devious end.You liked me.You wanted to be friends."

Martin laughed.He'd been laughing too much, after weeks and months of not doing so."I wanted more than that."

Jon sipped his tea and smiled. "Well, here we are."

Martin nodded solemnly.It had taken them so much to find each other.They'd never had a real chance, had never made one for themselves.

"When I got back from America," Jon said. 

It was disturbingly on the same track as Martin's thoughts.Jon had stopped talking, as if Martin had interrupted him.Martin focused on hearing Jon.

"When I woke up, you know why I was so ready to find you?"

"Not really, no," Martin said.

"None of my feelings changed. Six months... I know was hard for you, I k ow you went through so much.On my end, it was like... a long weekend.Not even a long one. I had just seen you.I had just left to stop the Unknowing.I had just.."

"Jon, please," Martin said, willing him to stop.

"When Leitner... There were opportunities, all along the way. I'm not brave." Jon smiled even as tears started to well up. "You know I'm not. I couldn't face...I couldn't lose you before I even..."

"Jon.What are you trying to say?" Martin said.

"I..." Jon stammered.Or maybe he was saying "eye" and just unable to stop himself. 

Martin waited him out. 

"I was at home.The worms had hurt me, and I was so glad that they hadn't hurt you. I didn't know how to make my own cup of tea. That thing that had hurt Sasha, it hadn't gotten its hooks into my brain yet, hadn't poisoned my thoughts. And I just...wanted you to be home with me. Making me a cup of tea. Taking care of me."

Martin laughed. "I'm good at that."

"I wanted to have been able to do that for you, I wanted... I want you to be safe. I wanted that more than for you to feel loved." Jon looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not saying I was madly in love with you then."

"But you'd rather I suffer emotionally than physically?" Martin said.

"I would rather have deprived you of something that I didn't even think you'd want."

"You decided not to love me," Martin said.

"I... decided a lot of things.And then everything just kept getting worse snd worse and I didn't know when I could get a chance to just..."

"Ask me to blind myself and run away with you?" Martin said.

"At least we've got the running away part."

Martin chuckled. "And we couldn't have gotten away any other way." He stood and kissed Jon's cheek."I'll make us breakfast."

Jon scrambled to his feet. "Please, let me."

"You don't even know what I like?" Martin said, feeling his stomach drop at the implications that he did not intend.

Jon, still too aware of Martin's preferences, shook his head slightly."Just give me the morning to be a good boyfriend," he said. "I owe you..."

"You don't owe me anything," Martin said, and they both knew it was a lie. 


End file.
